The SOMM Journal

June / July 2018

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Page 22 of 132

22 { THE SOMM JOURNAL } JUNE/JULY 2018 Dear Good Somm/Bad Somm, I work at a very hip, celebrity-packed restaurant and cocktail bar with a young clientele who couldn't care less about wine! I make good money and love the people I work with, but I only sell liquor. What can I do to get these youthful fashion types more interested in drinking vino? Yours, Trapped in Cocktail Land Dear Trapped in Cocktail Land, I'm surprised you find your young clientele to be less open to the wonders of wine, considering the Wine Market Council states Millennials drank 42 percent of all wine in the United States just three years ago. Perhaps they're like me and enjoy starting with a cocktail—or perhaps they can sense your judgement, so they're more inclined to just order another round rather than being open your suggestions. Once they've primed their palate, try to use that as an opportunity to propose a wine or two based on their cocktail choice. Your job is to make them happy, but guests—and particularly, in my experience, youthful guests—are also happy to try new things as long as they feel comfortable and appreciated. Sincerely, Good Somm Dear Trapped in Cocktail Land, If you work in a trendy spot, you may not be able to sell wine without getting a little disingenuous. Say something like, "Beyoncé was in here last week and just loved this glass of orange Pét-Nat by Massimiliano Croci! It was on!" or, "You know, guys, whenever Cardi B and her crew come through, they always party with magnums of Gran Reserva Rioja!" Try it! You'll be pulling corks in no time, homie. Best, Bad Somm Dear Good Somm/Bad Somm, I date a girl who only likes to smoke marijuana and drink craft beer. I opened a bottle of Barolo the other night and she vaped a hit of banana smoothie–flavored cannabis oil and fell asleep with a growler of IPA. I had to drink the Barolo alone. What should I do? Yours, Netflix and Not Chill Dear Netflix and Not Chill, You question feels a bit like the older pot calling the kettle black. These days, especially now that cannabis is legal either medically or recreationally in 29 states, both cannabis and beer are taken quite seriously. Isn't it your job as a sommelier to know the basics of beer? I wouldn't be surprised if the Court of Master Somme - liers one day also requires a general knowledge of cannabis, too, so rather than judging your lady friend, perhaps you can use this as an opportunity to get to know the various styles the incredible, complex world of beer has to offer. Maybe find out if that banana smoothie cannabis strain pairs well with Barolo: I'd bet it won't—a bubble-gummy Beaujolais might—but you tried, and trust me, the ladies appreciate when men at least try. Best, Good Somm Dear Netflix and Not Chill, Dump the beer-loving Neanderthal woman and only date somms as a rule. I myself date Advanced-level blondes exclusively. Regardless of your standards within the confines of wine exper - tise, just imagine the possibilities! You can conduct blind tastings in the dark while simultaneously making out! You can listen to wine podcasts on road trips and guffaw at all the jokes only a knowl - edgeable somm would understand! You'll name your children Comte Liger-Belair and Egon Müller-Scharzhof because you love Burgundy and she covets aged Riesling. Just don't disagree when she thinks a wine is corked . . . I've gone through several breakups over this. Sincerely, Bad Somm This column is a parody and does not reflect the views of The SOMM Journal. Follow the columnists at @goodsommbadsomm on social media and visit their page at

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