Issue link: https://digital.copcomm.com/i/659479
S omeone told me a long time ago that if you can change any area of your life by a consistent fi ve percent, the ef- fects will be remarkable. The truth of this is mirrored in the reality of global warming. Not long ago, what was imperceptible even to scientists was al- tering the landscape of our collec- tive future. Even chang- es of a single degree can change everything. This fi ve percent rule applies to our personal ecosystems as well, and it's one I keep in mind when I move toward change. I know drastic diet changes never work for me, but can I give up that handful of chips every day? A similar response to inti- mate relationships works the same way. If I can consistent- ly watch something small, like my tone of voice, every day, something big starts to shift. The truth is that the smallest change in how we communi- cate in, show up for or think about a relationship can and does alter its course. Bad things happen fast; good things take time. This is one of the fundamental truths of adult life. Car crashes, illnesses, forc- es of nature arrive in a moment, often with no warning. Likewise, personal catastrophes such as ac- cidents, health issues or affairs fall into the middle of your world like a tidal wave. How is it possible we could not see these things coming? Intimate relationships are also fragile eco-system in which re- building is a long-term and often-painstaking process that tests our patience and teaches us what real trust and faith look like. Still, it is easy to get burned out in this daily work of relat- ing. People are annoying, even the very best of them, and es- pecially when you live with them and are charged with their care. This fact can apply to growing families or aging parents as easily as it does to a primary partner. Keeping relationships healthy and being willing to heal those that are ailing is not a quick fi x solution, rather it is a res- olution to keep the fi ve percent rule in action. It is being willing to do the one extra act of kindness each day. It is taking the time to listen even when you have heard enough. It is fi nding the ener- gy to be intimate even when you don't feel connected. It is the laundry and the dishes and one more trip to the gro- cery store. It is sustained by trusting what we cannot al- ways see. Resolving to live within a fi ve percent improvement plan is a truly heroic act. Not only are you courageously embracing the unpredict- able and certain falling apart that happens in every life, but you are choosing to hold your heart open consistently enough to make the small acts of living softer and more bearable for the ones you love. It is a resolution you can keep because it commits you to a pro- cess rather than an out- come, and gives you the freedom to miss the mark some days. So go ahead, resolve to get better at whatever you choose. Or what the heck, just resolve to get better in your whole life, but just go for fi ve percent. It's plenty. —Wendy Strgar, writer, teacher and loveologist, is the founder and CEO at Good Clean Love, makers of Almost Naked 95 per- cent-organic lubricant. healthy living SEX TALK By Wendy Strgar Commit to the Process THE FIVE PERCENT RULE 16 wholelifetimes.com