Issue link: https://digital.copcomm.com/i/635319
relationship should go. Ask yourself, "What is my idea of a good relationship? What's the point of being in a relationship?" If you think that in a relationship it's a good idea to tell each other everything, and you meet somebody who thinks that's not a good idea, that probably should be a deal-breaker from the be- ginning. What kind of relationship are you look- ing for? ere are all sorts of people you can be attracted to, but not everyone is going to bring your idea of what the rela- tionship should be. Some people believe we have only one soul- mate. How do you feel about that? I think it's a bunch of crap. Here's why. First of all, fi nding your soulmate assumes that there's one or just a very few of them out there. ink of the bil- lions of people in the world. I'd quit dating right now if that were the case, because the chances of my fi nding that person is slim to none. It's a prob- lem, just like it's a problem when people still say, "You've got to love yourself before you can love another person," which is patently untrue. You learn to love yourself through another person, and that's the way it's always going to be. You learn about yourself by knowing another person really well. ere are a lot of mythologies out there that people still ascribe to. Soul- mates are one of them. So many dating apps are about swiping through photos. How important is physical attraction in a good relationship? We're visual animals. From a distance we'll be attracted visually to someone, which makes us want to move closer. Moving closer allows us to use a diff erent visual pathway where we're able to see the fi ne muscles of the skin, the face and the pupils. at's something you can't do from afar, and you can't do in a picture. In order for you to really be attracted to someone, you need all of your senses. You're watching them in action, you're hearing their voice. If you get close enough, you're actually picking up a smell. All of these things are hap- pening on a sub-cortical level—on a biological level. In the beginning, for infatuation, all you need is the physical. It doesn't mean that person is right for a long-term relationship; it just means they're good to have sex with. Nature puts you on a cocktail of drugs that makes you want to do that, and it alters your perception and your judgment so you will do it, without considering whether this person is an appropriate person in the long run. Nature doesn't care about that. What advice would you give someone who's trying online dating for the rst time? Dating has always been a face-to-face, eye-to- eye, skin-to-skin proposition. ink of online dating as an entry point, but it is only that. e vetting process is done face-to-face, and done with your friends and family. You never want to go long without walking your person around to all your peeps so they can smell them, because your friends are going to be able to see things that you're blind to, because you're on the drugs that occur in the beginning of a relationship. It's a two-step process: Biology picking your partner, and then your social network vetting them to see if they're appropriate for the long run. ink of online dating as a calling card. It real- ly takes a year to get to know someone. Anything shorter than that, the person's still not quite in focus. You want to know that this person doesn't run away—or attack—when there's confl ict. You want someone who is going to hang in there. In order for you to really be attracted to someone, you need all of your senses. 24 wholelifetimes.com