Issue link: http://digital.copcomm.com/i/883365
torrancememorial.org PULSE | 29 TREATING THE WHOLE FAMILY What ad and Jane liked most about elma McMillen Center is how it educates parents, as well as teens, on addiction. From weekly parent support group meetings to individual counseling , to parent and teen meetings with counselors, the Center provides assistance for the entire family. "e education for parents is invaluable," Jane explains. "You can only do so much. Once kids start on this drug path, it's a long, miserable path. Parents have to reach out and keep reaching out. You can give your heart and soul to your kids, and they can still go on this path for a variety of reasons, from learning disabilities to peer pressure." e extensive counseling about the nature of addiction is critical, as teens and many adults just don't understand why some people become addicts straight away and others who use never do. For instance, Jane's son got pressured to try marijuana and alcohol by his best friend, a popular and good student. But ad's genetics and learning disabilities made him more prone to addictive tendencies. While his best friend could smoke and drink on weekends and sometimes go long periods of time without using, once ad started, it became a crutch for everyday life. Experts say this is common, especially for kids who have learning disabilities, social anxiety, depression and a genetic predisposition for addiction. "Parents want to believe in their children. I mean I had educated him about all of this from an early age. But kids take risks. Even busy athletes can get into trouble. If the kids make this choice, you are powerless. You give them the information and you love them and support them, but once they make this choice, it's out of your control," Jane adds. What is in your control, as a parent, is getting help. Jane says the best thing she ever did was enroll ad in elma McMillen Center's program. "Once you discover the problem, never ever let them go," Jane cautions. "Don't stop supporting them. Put them in drug rehab or in a (outpatient) program like McMillen. Realize how powerless you are. Pot was his choice. It's a different pot because it's so strong , and buying it off the street, it can be laced with God knows what. e risk is like Russian roulette." HOW TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT DRUGS Talking with teens is tricky business—but experts say it's critical to have open and frank discussions about alcohol and drugs. "Kids say to me all the time that 'everybody does it,' as an excuse. As parents and community leaders, we need to change the perception that it's OK," says program director Donnie W. Watson, PhD. So how do we do this? Here are a few suggestions of what to say to your teen: 1. Not everyone smokes and drinks and it's certainly NOT OK to drink or smoke as a teenager. Be very clear that drug and alcohol use lowers motivation, increases depression, anxiety and social pressures, and is illegal, not to mention a bad crutch to cultivate when dealing with problems. 2. The teen brain is still developing. Tell your child her brain will not fully develop until age 25 and at age 15, it is only 60% developed. Using alcohol and drugs, of any kind, is taking a major risk on her future. 3. Share stories from your own teenage years. If you used, tell them how bad it made you feel. If you had a friend who went down the wrong path, talk about how you felt about and/or distanced yourself from that person. Share what you started to do instead of using. If you had social anxiety, how did you deal with it? If you experienced peer pressure, what helped you find confidence? 4. Ask him about his dreams and help him to become moti- vated—in healthy ways—to reach them. 5. Talk with her about how you strive to live in modera- tion. Model restraint at home and talk about a night when you had only one glass of wine at a party because you had a tennis match in the morning. Share and model how you navigate moderation. 6. Talk about why some people become addicts and others don't. Some children just can't stop at one, as their brains are different (some adults also). Use teachable moments. For instance, if Uncle Randy drank an entire bottle of scotch at Christmas and fell down the stairs, talk to your child about how Uncle Randy, who is an alcoholic, suffered from depression as a child and used in high school and how it made you feel. Then model moderation every time Uncle Randy visits. 7. Let your child know you are there for him and that you will not punish him for talking with you about friends who use or situations that make him feel awkward. Insist he calls a cab, Uber, or you and never gets in a car with an intoxicated friend. Stress he should never accept a "dab" or substance that may be laced with unknown substances.