Whole Life Magazine

June / July 2017

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backwords FINDING HOME FINDING HOME I am surrounded by women who are brilliant—and messy. In fact, I am one of those women, and so are you. For me, the key to accessing the joy that is naturally our birthright is this: embracing our faults and welcoming in our messy bril- liance. Let me explain what I mean. In my early thirties, I came to a realization: I had lost myself. On the outside, I was living the American dream, but I was in a joyless marriage where being authentic would've rocked the boat. Not to mention, I was trying way too hard to live up to this ideal im- age of who I thought I should be: as a mom, a wife, a businesswoman, and every other role I was "performing." The straitjacket of perfectionism had squeezed all the juice out of my life. I felt empty, and alone. Looking back on that time, I believe—no, I am certain— that every one of us has an inner wisdom that guides us through life. The problem is, we spend so much time running away from our own truth that we forget to hold space for that wise voice. Although I am still learning how to access that all-powerful inner voice, luckily, I have received many reminders along the way. Of course, I didn't just take a magical pill and wake up the next day to a "better" life. Getting up close and personal with my own messy brilliance took work. It required my emotional honesty, as well as a detailed inven- tory of all aspects of my life: I took a long, hard look at the ways I had been emotionally, mentally, and physically shaped by everything I'd been through. I dug into my own story about my past and present, as well as the future I wished to create. I discovered that, if you welcome major transitions (both the "positive" and the "negative") with an open heart and a greater desire for self-knowledge, the bumps along the way are just par for the course. In my case, I went through a long and painful divorce that lasted four years. I endured the death of one of my dearest friends. These experiences were simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating, and your own journey will, no doubt, be the same. One moment you might feel totally free and excited about all the possibilities the future holds; the next, you might be a teary, neurotic basket-case in bed eating ice cream, all alone with Netfl ix. Hold tight. You will make it through. Now, I am not promising that the skies will miraculously part at the moment you realize you need to make a change. When we understand what we are capable of, we don't just rise to insurmountable heights—we dive into our deep- est darkness and come up against our most jagged edges. But the time you take to integrate your newfound wisdom will serve you well. Even the so-called failures are crossroads—and opportunities— that will lead you back home to your true self. Allow your heart to be softened by your vulnerability. Stop trying to be perfect. Check in with your body and emotions, and admit when you feel awful or out of control, even when you want so badly to hide it. Embrace the feelings that come up, even if they are uncomfortable! I have learned so much from just embracing my faults and offering myself enormous compassion through whatever I'm experiencing. We cannot be effective agents of change if we are constantly criticizing ourselves. Think about it: You probably wouldn't speak to your dearest friends the way you speak to yourself! In order to embrace your messy brilliance, you have to release the shame that dictates negative self-talk. When you become freed from this burden (which, trust me, is part of an ongoing journey), it's a lot easier to decide what you truly want for yourself. When we get curious about our experiences, we get clar- ity on who we are. Then we make the bold, effective deci- sions that move us closer to discovering our true voices and our true selves—the good, the bad, and the ugly. From this perspective of wholeness, we can truly make life happen. When we recognize the perfectly imperfect nature of our unique stories, we discover our power to write new scripts for ourselves. Kelly McNelis is the founder and president of Women For One. She travels the world as a speaker, teacher, mentor, and facilitator of workshops, helping others tap into lives pow- ered by truth. Visit http://womenforone.com Embrace Your Messy Truths RECOGNIZING THE PERFECTLY IMPERFECT By Kelly McNelis in a joyless marriage where being authentic would've rocked the boat. Not to mention, I was trying way too hard to will serve you crossroads—and opportunities— that will lead you back home to your true self. by your vulnerability. Stop trying to EMBRACE and emotions, and admit when you feel awful or out of control, even when you want so badly to hide it. Embrace the feelings that come up, even if they are uncomfortable! I have IMPERFECT Looking back on that time, I believe—no, I am certain— that every one of us has an inner wisdom that guides us through life. The problem is, we spend so much time running away from our own truth that we forget to hold space for that wise voice. Although I am still learning and personal with my own messy brilliance took work. It required my emotional honesty, as well as a detailed inven- learned so much from just embracing my faults and offering myself enormous compassion through whatever I'm experiencing. We cannot be effective agents of change if we are constantly criticizing ourselves. Think about it: You probably wouldn't speak to your dearest friends the way you speak to yourself! In order to embrace your messy brilliance, you have to release the shame that dictates negative self-talk. When you become freed from this burden (which, trust me, is part of an ongoing journey), it's a IMPERFECT ION 34 wholelifetimes.com

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