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December / January 2016

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"Know that joy is rarer, more diffi cult, and more beautiful than sadness. Once you make this all-important discovery, you must embrace joy as a moral obligation." —Andre Gide J oy is, in many ways, love's twin fl ame. It occurs on the receiv- ing side of love, whether it be romantic intrigue, family relations or just the full-body experience of loving life. Joy is the byproduct of feeling loved and lovable that lifts us out of the daily conun- drum, making us more resil- ient and hope- ful. And yet, joy remains one of the most elusive and diffi cult emo- tions for most of us, in part because we are trained givers but inexperi- enced receivers. Like good sex, we think that joy is something that just happens, something that we should be swept up in, some- thing beyond our control. Or somehow if we work toward it, planning and strategizing how to make it happen, it is some- how a less worthy experience. In fact, joy, like love, is the grace that follows the hard work of opening our hearts. Which incidentally is also true about consistently good sex; it's not an accident, it is the reward for work well done. Here is a short list that has taught me about the work of receiving, which is the necessary preparation for our highest emotions. We should feel obliged to belong to these emotional states, as these higher emotions are the ones that help us evolve into our best selves. While sadness, anger, and fear have a lot to teach, it is easy for these emotions to become imprinted on us, becoming our fi rst and primary fi lter of our awareness. That is one of the reasons it takes so much effort to open to joy; for many of us, it is unfamiliar territory. I had a friend for a long time who often drove me to serious bouts of envy. At fi rst glance it might have been her wealthy lifestyle, or seemingly effortless marriage, or her devoted lov- ing mother and sister…. There were a lot of stories I told to justify my feelings of jealousy that poisoned our relationship and made it diffi cult for me to feel happy for her happiness. But in retrospect, what I was most envi- ous about was her remarkable ca- pacity for joy. She saw good- ness everywhere around her. Wild animals were drawn to her side. She laughed and snort- ed freely at things that I barely per- ceived. She was a great teacher to me because she was miles ahead of me in understanding her intrinsic worthiness in life. At the time, I at- tributed all of her joy to the happy circumstances of her life, but I didn't under- stand how the joy was actually generating the gifts life kept send- ing her way. I share this story because unworthiness often shows up masquerading as judgment and jealousy over someone else's good fortune. Having spent years in that misperception I just want to say two things—it doesn't get you closer to what you want most, which is the joy of knowing your own worth, and it is a potent poison for the relationships you care about. I have been dedicating a lot of my time to training in a variety of spiritual healing techniques and, per- haps the most important lesson I have learned throughout, is how many forms of heal- ing are actually prayers (asking) to channel gratitude. The experience of gratefulness is a visceral one; it isn't just something you think, and it is a feel- ing as distinct as sad- ness. And yet, not growing healthy living SEX TALK Surrender and Open Your Heart to Receiving By Wendy Strgar THE SEASON OF JOY RECONCILE YOURSELF TO YOUR OWN INTRINSIC WORTHINESS BUILD A VISCERAL VOCABULARY OF GRATITUDE must embrace joy as a moral obligation." —Andre Gide oy is, in many ways, love's twin fl ame. It occurs on the receiv- ing side of love, whether it be romantic intrigue, family relations or just the full-body experience of loving life. Joy is the byproduct of feeling loved and lovable that lifts us out of the most elusive and diffi cult emo- tions for most of us, in part because we are trained givers but inexperi- enced receivers. Like good sex, we think that joy is something that just But in retrospect, what I was most envi- ous about was her remarkable ca- pacity for joy. She saw good- ness everywhere around her. Wild animals were drawn to her side. She laughed and snort- ed freely at things that I barely per- ceived. She was a great teacher to me because she was miles ahead of me in understanding her intrinsic worthiness in life. At the time, I at- tributed all of her joy to the happy circumstances of her life, but I didn't under- stand how the joy was actually generating the gifts life kept send- ing her way. I share this story because unworthiness often shows up masquerading as judgment and jealousy over someone else's good fortune. Having spent years in that misperception I just have been dedicating a lot of my time OF GRATITUDE gratefulness is a visceral one; it isn't just something you think, and it is a feel- ing as distinct as sad- ness. And yet, not growing have been dedicating a lot of my time to training in a variety of spiritual healing techniques and, per- haps the most important lesson I have learned throughout, is how many forms of heal- have been dedicating a lot of my time to training in a variety of spiritual healing techniques and, per- haps the most important just something you think, and it is a feel- ing as distinct as sad- ness. And yet, not growing 14 wholelifetimes.com

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