Whole Life Magazine

January/February 2015

Issue link: https://digital.copcomm.com/i/456952

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Page 26 of 43

Can Creative Visualization (CV) also be an e ective tool for couples in a relationship? Yes, yes, yes! When we can visualize with our partners we can experience a deeper sense of intimacy, passion, joy or healing in our relationship in a very signi cant way. On our own, we can bring about great changes as well. Especially when we bring in the tools from e Relationship Handbook, where we recog- nize that our partners are teachers for us, guiding us to what we are unconscious of in our own lives. How important is it for a visualiza- tion to be speci c? e more senses we can engage when visualizing, the more potent the experience. However, there is an essential aspect to this work, which is to turn it over to the universe and trust that "this or something better" is now manifesting for us. So we co-create with the universe. By us- ing these techniques we are bringing ourselves into alignment with what is possible. I encourage people to be spe- ci c in their visualizations because I have seen that it produces bet- ter results. At the same time, CV is most powerful when combined with a consciousness process to discover "who" in us is wanting that relation- ship, that job, that vacation. What would you say is the most im- portant single trait for both people to have in a relationship? Compassion, or viewed in another way, tolerance. As we focus on our own inner work and our own heal- ing, we develop compassion for ourselves. We gain insight into our stories and experiences and how these have had an impact on our lives. As we discover healing through this process and enjoy a sense of peace, we naturally begin to experience it with others. We can create the space for them to be in their process and recognize that they, too, have had experiences that in u- ence their interactions and behaviors. If we can cut ourselves and those around us some slack, it can go a long way. What do you think about making a list of "non-negotiables" in looking for a partner? I think it's good to make a list and see what's important to you, to get clarity about what you most desire in a partner. However, we are co-creating with the universe. How can we know what is our best path or what we need to learn? What role do our "disowned selves," the parts of ourselves we don't acknowledge, play in the high divorce rate? If we can view our partners as a mirror of our own process, we can take our criticisms about our partner and unpack how that is really a re ection of our own inner process. What is being shown to us is an area where we are out of balance or some- thing that is disowned or being denied within us. It is uncom- fortable and our natural reaction is to blame the other person. However, there is free- dom in bringing the focus back to us. To see our partner as a teacher for us, and that they are carrying an opposite energy to us, which is actual- ly the exact thing we need to experience the wholeness we are seeking in our lives, is very powerful. It completely shi s the dynamic. If both partners are seeking healing, growth and intimacy through focusing on themselves and their own in- ner work, there is less desire to leave a relationship. Although if [a partner was chosen] from a place of denial or lack of balance or wholeness, as we grow and change, the end of the relationship may be the natural course that unfolds. Sometimes people make the mistake of thinking someone is going to change in a trou- bled relationship. Are there any shortcuts to cutting your losses? Bringing the focus back to our- selves and opening up to the healing and growth that is possible for us in the relationship will lead us to clarity about whether or not a relationship is right for us. And again, our path may lead us to the exact person and experience we need to discover the healing we are seeking. So what may feel awful may actually be the exact situation we need to experience on our path of heal- ing and growth, and may prove a turning point for us. What advice would you give your 21-year-old self about rela- tionships based on what you've learned since that time? Run! Actually, I would say that life and relationships can be painful and di cult. However, using our relationships as a path of consciousness, seeing others as teachers and lessons as gi s, can be very powerful. Although you may experience di culty, the healing and growth that is possible make it worthwhile. february/march 2015 27

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