Whole Life Magazine

January/February 2015

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Page 15 of 43

By Wendy Strgar E ach of us has a sexual soul, or more accurately, a piece of our soul is refl ected deeply in our sexuality. This sexual space that inhabits the deepest recesses of our conscious- ness truly is, as the Bible suggests, a garden. The language of our sexual gardens is fantasy. This is how the mind weaves the many sensory windows of the body into a wholeness that either invites us in deeper or shuts us out of our capacity for orgasmic pleasure. This is the terrain of our inner lives that nourishes our capacity for risk and passion, connecting us most intensely to our life force. When we are erotically shut down and the language of our fantasies is met with repression, fear or shame, we are left only with the ability to judge sexuality, which distances us not only from the people we want to be most intimate with, but more tragically from our own ability to feel. Relationships that hit a dead end emotionally have also likely been physically stalled. There is no shut- ting off the sexual soul without drain- ing our joy for life. Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the top reasons people cite for leaving a relationship. It is also one of life's most worthy challenges to take on, not only for the meaning and pleasure it can bring to our rela- tionships, but also for the very real health benefi ts a satisfying sex life bestows. A few straightforward shifts in focus can not only lead you to a more satisfying sexual experience but also offer comfort with your erotic essence. Love Your Body The sex life is contained within the physical body, so how you feel about and treat your body refl ects the respect you hold for your sex life. This starts with a decision to not compare your body to the impossibly photo-shopped images of models that litter the media. Don't sacrifi ce your access to pleasure in the false belief that sexual satisfaction will fi nd you when you are more fi t or beautiful, when studies have actually shown the re- verse relationship to be true: opening yourself to more sexual pleasure will make you recognize the beauty in your body as it is and inspire you to treat it better. Bodies are designed for mo- tion, so get moving and fi nd ways that offer you the experience of building strength and discovering fl exibility, both of which are critical for pleasurable and long-lasting intimacy. Dedicate your- self to fi nding ways to live more deeply in your body, exploring the range of scent, taste and touch that surrounds you. Resolve to treat your body with more loving kindness and it will reward you by revealing its capacity for pleasure, sexual and otherwise. Be Playful In childhood, no one had to teach you how to play; you just had to play fair. Having fun was second nature, and treating your quest for more satisfying sex with this same spirit can help free your imagination (read: fantasy life) and silence the external voices, whether they be so-called ex- perts or insidious cultural mes- sages of shame and fear. Sexually speaking, being able to play fair and with abandon is the perfect space for blos- soming into our hidden erot- ic selves. Playfulness in bed is where we can have fun pushing the edges of our comfort zone and know that no matter how it unfolds, we will laugh and build trust in our ability to be in the game. Talk about Sex For most people, sex is the most taboo topic to discuss. This overbearing silence keeps us from creating the sex lives we want, and worse still, from maturing into our erotic selves. It is more common than not to limit our sexual vocabulary to the lowest levels of discomfort, or reserve it for when we want to "talk dirty." Tragically, what is lost is the opportunity to discover who we are as sexual beings, and who we could be as a sexual couple. Take turns talking about your desires, what you really want to do or a recurring fantasy, even one you would never want to do in real life. Taking the leap to create a sexual conversation will open up your capacity for pleasure and enhance the trust in your connection. —Wendy Strgar, writer, teacher and loveologist, is the founder and CEO at Good Clean Love, makers of Almost Naked 95 per- cent-organic lubricant. The soul-freeing language of erotica EXPLORING SEXUAL FANTASY whole living SEX TALK 16 wholelifetimes.com

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