Issue link: https://digital.copcomm.com/i/320391
By Wendy Strgar M ost of us take ourselves way too seriously, especial- ly when it comes to our relationships. The more our hearts are bared and the deeper we grow in our com- mitments, the more we have riding on the outcome. Ironically, instead of helping us to lighten up, our most intimate relation- ships often push us in the opposite direction of rethinking ev- ery comment and misinterpreting unintended meanings. This is the slippery slope that too many intimate relationships can slide down, often not seeing the downward spiral until they hit bottom, where no one is having fun anymore. Intentionally adding playfulness and laughter to your part- nership is such a seemingly simple fi x that most people doubt its effi cacy. And there is no better time to initiate this simple practice than when you take the time away from the daily grind. This is the powerful healing that vacations offer. Laughing together is one of the stickiest glues a rela- tionship can generate. Humor and levity, which invite long- term feelings of pleasure and contentment, are natu- ral stress eliminators. Even if you're not one of those lucky quick-witted people who seem to generate humor ev- erywhere around them, many times just looking for fun can get you through the door. Kids are the best teachers on this. Kids operate from play and thrive on laughter. Just go to a park and watch kids running around. We all have a ves- tige of a child in us who wants to play. At its source, playfulness is a bi-product of being fully present. Bringing our full presence to any moment allows us to experience life spontaneously. And spontaneity is one of the main engines of play. It happens when we lose our propensity for judging the mishaps and the details of life. When we aren't reacting to the details, life can surprise us. Comedy Central is right here, often verging on hysterical. Becoming more playful can be as simple as a shift in view—celebrating the ridiculous instead of getting mired in the annoying. Treating our own frail- ties—potentially sources of shame or alienation—to a little fun allows grace to step in. Many wrongly think of play as frivolous waste of time, when in reality, playing creates new neural activity. Studies have shown that it is during play where the greatest learning occurs, which is why many reputed scientists and spiritual leaders extol play as the source of their genius. Shared humor is very different from sarcastic humor, which takes someone hostage. If one of you ends up feeling bad at the expense of someone's joke, it isn't funny. When playfulness is one-sided rather than mutual, it is damaging to the relation- ship and undermines the trust you work so hard to build. Just as no one wants to be the brunt of another's hurtful joke, using humor to cover up other emotions that deserve a voice often backfi res. Anger, fear and hurt feelings cannot be joked away. Instead they linger and slowly transform unexpressed emotions into the distance that keeps us apart. Don't confuse these be- haviors for playfulness; real play is always heart opening. Playfulness in the bedroom can ignite a whole new level of intimacy in a partnership. In fact, the ability to play together sex- ually is the divine spark of pas- sion. Kind of like dancing when no one is watching, spontaneous sexual play is the opposite of a sexual rut. Experimenting with costumes, positions, toys and scents is a veritable playground of sensations and laughs. Playing sexually automatically locks the door on any tendencies to judge yourself or your partner. When we play we are free and having fun, all the magical elements re- quired for sexual pleasure. Play- ing transports us beyond our fears, expectations and perfor- mance anxiety because when we play we are fully present. Commit to adding laughter and play to your relationship. Go to the park and watch kids chasing each other or dogs frol- icking. Watch ten minutes of Comedy Central or fi nd Ed Wynn singing "I Love to Laugh" from Mary Poppins on You Tube. Laugh at food choices gone wrong or mismatched socks eaten by the dryer. Lean toward humor and it will fi nd you and add years to your loving relationships. It is a really easy way to keep the vacation feeling going year round. Wendy Strgar, writer, teacher and loveologist, is the founder and CEO at Good Clean Love, makers of Almost Naked 95 per- cent-organic lubricant. Vacation sex can be a passport to uncharted territory LIGHTEN UP sex talk By Wendy Strgar shown that it is during play where the greatest learning occurs, which is why many reputed scientists and spiritual leaders extol Vacation sex can be a passport 16 wholelifetimesmagazine.com WLT-JUN-JULY-26.indd 16 5/26/14 2:09 PM