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eral months away. She did as I suggested. Two weeks passed and her client called to discuss their dilemma as if nothing happened. She requested and received the extra monies nec- essary to execute her client's vision. Again I got the first call. "How could he just act as if nothing happened," she exclaimed? No reference was ever made of the tongue-lashing she received at the hands of her client. Our stories had one thing in common, neither my boss nor her client acknowledged their abusive behavior. It's as if the behavior never happened. I can tell you that nei- ther one of us had ever been trained to handle situations like this; I just went off my gut instinct (plus I really need- ed a job). Norman Vincent Peale once said, "The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." Often criticism is good if conveyed and chan- neled correctly. So what do the experts suggest? One thing is certain, how you deal with criticism and rejection says as much about you as the criticism itself. You basically have three responses to negative criticism. You can agree with it. You can deny it. You can learn from it. Before looking at a few suggestions on how to handle neg- ative criticism we should look at the types of criticism. Not all criticism is the same nor is it all negative. The types of crit- icism below are from Tom Pryor, president of ICMS, Inc., of Arlington, TX. Constructive criticism: these are comments that reinforce good behavior and motivate an individual to make positive change. Destructive criticism is criticism that's unjustified and is usually accompanied by a nefarious motive. Misleading criticism is criticism lacking of facts or based on errors. This is like inflated compliments for something that was merely ok or its converse. You should question whether the person levying the critique has the knowledge to do so. Believe it or not, absence of criticism signals a lack of lead- ership or concern. The silence can lead to poor work per- formance. There have been studies done to suggest this absence of feedback, positive or negative, ruins a corpora- tion's profitability. Requested criticism, is something many of us have experi- enced but might not recognize. How many times have we attended a seminar and the speaker has you fill out a form requesting critique? Provided it's constructive, whether pos- itive or negative this requested criticism presents an oppor- tunity for growth. Like everything in life there is usually a cause and effect and criticism is no exception. Some of the causes of criticism include lack of trust, ignorance and jealousy. Trust is as important as competence and skeptics have a tendency to criticize the unknown. Ignorance speaks for itself. And who among us has not suffered the jealous rants of criticism levied by a co-worker who wants to steal a little of our thunder for a job well done. Here are a few more causes of criticism: fear, negotiation and good old human nature. Fear of the unknown is a sure fire way to bring out the critics. Some people use criticism as a negotiation tactic. And criticism, especially negative, is just human nature. You want more reasons for criticism, try politics, change, concern for others and majority rules or simply follow the leader. One person says something negative and everyone else piles on without much thought. In business you can't afford to lose your cool even if the barrage of criticism at times seems unbearable. If you have an unruly client or bad boss you might have to sever the rela- tionship, but if you choose to work things out and turn the negative into a positive, below are some universal sugges- tions I was able to glean from several experts. Not all sug- gestions below fit every situation, but it's a good place to start. Stop and listen. Listen to the message behind the words. Our first instinct is to go on the defensive. "It's not my fault!" You must avoid the confrontation. Before you start churning out excuses, take a deep breath and objectively listen to the criticism being offered. Is there any veracity to what is being said? Keep things professional and avoid retaliation. Our sec- ond instinct is to list every fault of the person responsible for inflicting this agony. I've been guilty of this one in the past. Try not to take it personal. Work and constructive criti- cism come with the territory. Learn from your mistakes. Ask yourself if you have been performing as expected. If not, you need to make the change. And above all else, don't be afraid to ask for feedback. Acknowledge the issues and decide to tackle them head on. Ignoring the feedback will not make it disappear. Present solutions. What can I do to help? When dealing with customers, often they look to you for solutions. Once you've listened to what they have to say think about how to solve the problem at hand. Ask a clarifying question. There is nothing worse than a boss or client getting upset with you and then you let their problem linger without resolution. You can actually make the other party part of the solution. After the issue is resolved, let it go. Easier said than done, especially when the criticism turns personal. Don't try to win. If you have a frequently combative boss or client, you are not going to win every battle, even if you are right. You win by keeping your cool. Humor. Critics often bring an intensity and ferocity to the table in the hope that they can bate you into extending their ability to keep you on the defensive. Don't fall for this. At the right time inject a little self-deprecating humor or some other lighthearted response to change the tenor of the con- versation. Just be careful you time this properly or it could backfire. In the words of American writer and philosopher Elbert Hubbard, "The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing, be nothing Black Meetings & Tourism February/March 2009: www.blackmeetingsandtourism.com 55