Issue link: https://digital.copcomm.com/i/1196907
then put your energy into dreading it. ink about how comfy your bed is and how nice it feels to be laying down and relaxing. Diffuse lavender or read a book. Allow yourself to be in bed, because that's where you are. Don't be mentally on the plane until you are actually on the plane. Don't even engage on your way to the airport. When you get on the plane, be in the moment that is actually happening, not in the negative fantasy. Get yourself situated by scrolling through the media channels and see what might interest you. Order a beverage. Review the menu. is is actually a time in which you don't have to do anything but sit back and relax. If that same exact chair were in your living room, you would be absolutely fine. e truth is that you are fine on the plane as well. After eating and watching the average movie, you may feel relaxed enough to maybe even sleep for a few moments. Remember that your fear comes from a childlike part of your brain. If a child was concerned or worried, you wouldn't reinforce that fear by telling them a story of doom. You would distract them with "shiny objects" to be in the moment. Help your scared child to understand all is well, the plane will be landing soon enough, and you will be with your family for the holidays. Which brings us to the next high expectation — family during the holidays! It is not uncommon to revert back to your childhood dynamics when you unite with your family of origin. Different family members can trigger old buttons that you thought were long gone. One of the hardest things about human interaction is that we take everything personally — from someone cutting you off in traffic — to your mother's comment about your outfit. e good news is absolutely nothing is personal. For example, you walk in the front door and your mother immediately says, "I wish you had gotten here earlier. I really could have used the help." is comment has nothing to do with you. Different mothers would all say completely different things. One might say, "I'm so excited to see you." One might not even come out of the kitchen to acknowledge your presence. e way people are is personal to themselves — not personal to you. Quite often, it's their wounded child on display. Always underlying anger is fear. When people are combative, it just means they're scared. So, if your mother wishes you would have gotten there earlier, it's most likely her wounded child being afraid of not being good enough, rather than her judgment of you. e joy you experience this holiday season is going to come from you. Don't hold others responsible for your joy because sometimes people can disappoint you. Even if that's the case, you still deserve to have joy. I remember one holiday that involved a ridiculously tense time in my family. It was filled with sadness, anger, and frustration. I felt the tension building inside of me. I was about to stuff my face or pound a drink to numb myself. At that moment, I glimpsed cranberry sauce served in a beautiful bowl, and I chose to experience the moment by thinking how pretty that color red on the cranberries was. at's all I had in the moment, but it was enough for me to concentrate on feeling some joy and not plunging into the despair. Focus on what brings you joy in the moment rather than what brings you discomfort. is is called the season of giving. Don't judge yourself about what you are able to give. Is it too expensive? Is it right? Just do the best you can, rather than having high expectations that might leave you feeling disappointed. Do all you can to en "joy" this time off, seek out the joy that is available, and be grateful for the moment, even if it's just a dish of cranberry sauce. Laura Rhodes-Levin is a licensed therapist and founder of e Missing Peace Center in Agoura Hills, CA. For info, call (818) 874-3071 or visit MissingPeace4Anxiety.com. December 2019/January 2020 19 Disappointment comes from expectations not realized. The trick to avoiding expectations is to use your energ y to be in the moment rather than in the unpredictable anxiety-ridden future. Artwork by Nadezhda