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Working Nurse l WorkingNurse.com 17 September 16–October 14, 2019 nursing school professors used to say: "You can either be wet and miserable, or just wet." Another patient of mine died suddenly in her sleep at home, a week after she was admitted for a kidney biopsy. I had just taken care of her the week prior. That patient was often in the hospital and I was often her nurse — not because I liked her, although I did, but because she hated nearly every nurse on the floor. She was 20 years old and so smart that most of the pediatric nurses had no idea how to deal with her. Truth be told, she worked my nerves as well, and in turn she usually only tolerated me. She had a habit of ignoring people. Nurses would ask her direct questions and she would stare through them, refusing to answer. She would often do the same to me, which was infuriating. Yet, I was gut- ted when I heard that she died. She taught me the most valuable les- son I've ever learned yet as a nurse: treat everyone as if they deserve your best care. Some patients may act ungrateful or seem undeserving, reject your help, com- plain or even threaten you. They may be mean and rude. They may ignore and lie to you. They may be truly awful. Regardless, each patient is deserving of respect, understanding and care. I have to remind myself of this some- times when patients are annoying or when parents are aggressive. It's difficult at times, but it's essential to having a nursing practice with integrity. Grief Comes Home I spent years trying to understand the deaths of patients, trying to figure out what it all meant, and then that grief hit my personal life. A week before writing this, a very good friend of mine died. He had always dreamed of moving to Hawaii. About a year ago, he finally made the move. I was treated to amazing pic- tures of ocean and greenery and I envied his new life. Nine months later, he was admitted to the hospital with unexplained blood clots. Three months after that, he died of advanced pancreatic cancer. He was an amazing man, with a gentle snark and wit that would light up a room. He was brutally honest. His words some- times hurt, but only because he would never tell me what I wanted to hear, always only what I should hear. He was the mirror that I needed. I sat on top of a picnic table on Mt. Hollywood and looked out over the entire- ty of Los Angeles, my pen on page and tears in my eyes. I reflected on how know- ing him has altered my life for the better, how refreshing I found his brutal honesty and how I could grow into a better version of myself if I could embody just a few of these characteristics. Finding Your Own Path Nurses help people through some of the most difficult times in their lives. We become good at taking all the fear and grief into ourselves to be strong for our patients. But we can sometimes forget that we too need to deal with our grief. It's important to manage our own emo- tional wellbeing so that we can be better practitioners. These are some things that have helped me do that: • Deal with mental health issues. Admitting to struggling with depression, anxiety, PTSD and other mental health issues is not a weakness. Neither is seek- ing help. • Get active. Even if it's just walking around the neighborhood. Leave the phone at home. Learn to unplug and get in touch with the uncomfortable parts of your mind. • Nurture yourself. Caregiver burnout is real, so be kind to yourself, whether that means a Netflix binge, pedicures, week- ends at the beach or Vegas, staycations, gardening, crosswords, naps or anything else. Find out what works for you and do it — and don't apologize for it. • Rituals are comforting. Like my hikes up the mountain, rituals serve as a reminder to allow yourself time and space to delve into the hard work of healing. ____________________________________________ Jon Garrison, RN, MSN, works in pediatric kidney transplant and writes in his spare time about life, health, technology and connection. You can reach him at garrison.jdg@gmail.com. WN THE HEALING POWER OF NATURE The author finds solace hiking in the mountains. "These are the places that bring me peace," he says.