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of spiritual healing is how many forms of healing are actually prayers (asking) to channel gratitude. The experience of grate- fulness is a visceral one—not just something you think, it is a feeling as distinct as sadness. And yet, not growing up with this most essential aspect of receiving, I had no idea what it felt like or even how to conjure it. Even saying thank you often left me feeling hollow. Healing yourself or anyone else is a form of gratitude. It rec- ognizes all the energetic forces continuously at work on your behalf to both release old painful programs and to generate a life of your dreams. Gratitude is there for the asking, and the more you do it, the more ways you learn to do it, the wider your capacity to ask and receive becomes. It gets so easy that every thought could begin with thanks. I heard about a woman being trained as a healer who disparagingly exclaimed, "This is noth- ing more than prayer!" Indeed, asking to gratefully receive is the prayer that opens the door to joy. Surrender control over outcomes I am all about lists and having a clear vision for the future. These are powerful practices that guide our choices, helping us stay focused on what we hope to create. Yet it is easy to confuse this work of self-direction and accountability with the nervous habit of trying to make things turn out the way you want. Offering your efforts to your work, your relationships and your goals is an act of generosity. It doesn't mean there won't be obstacles and detours; in fact, working out the problems and kinks is the active part of setting goals. Getting hung up on controlling how things work out or, worse still, how other people feel about how things are work- ing out, is a dead end to joy. It moves you further away from the things you are trying to get done, as well as the people with whom you are doing it. Surrendering control over the out- come is at once an act of faith and a burden lifted. It might not work, or at least maybe not the way you thought it would. Joy is there when it doesn't matter how it works. All of these steps can easily be applied to a stalled sex life. Joy in sexual form is orgasm, so it is very easy to spot. —Wendy Strgar, writer, teacher and loveologist, is the founder and CEO at Good Clean Love, makers of Almost Naked 95 per- cent-organic lubricant. june/july 2016 17